I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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