Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
