My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize