If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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