Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
