i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
