the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize