Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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