there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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