I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
