i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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