mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
