dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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