Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
