I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
