took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
