just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
