enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
