drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize