Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
this just has baby written all over it
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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