So drunk its hurt
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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