I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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