So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
