Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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