I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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