My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize