I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
