i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Green mimosas i think yes
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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