I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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