I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
