i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My vagina is officially offended.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
