Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
