so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
