You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
