There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
