You made me cry and you don't even care
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
