she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
