Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
