Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
