I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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