If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
