It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
