Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
