i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
