you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
