Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
