it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
