laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
