You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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