it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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