I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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