how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
