Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
