guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
