Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
