Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
