The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i out mim tonsoeep
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