I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
