i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
