I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize