i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
