You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
