I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize