ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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