So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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