1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
420 ftw
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
