i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
