i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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