My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
