i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
