I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
