the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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