Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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