my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
