i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
