My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she told me i tasted like america
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
