i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
