she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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