Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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