He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
