the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Quick, to the slutcave!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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