There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
NoShamevember. You game?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
