i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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