Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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