508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
