my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she peed on how many people?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
