fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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